Stanley, the beautiful Marta Austin and I went out for dinner at The Belvedere Arms near Virginia Water last night. The company was excellent:

• Ilona Furrokh – a charming vet lady who has fallen for the dubious charms of Ian Smith (see below). I suppose if you are used to dealing with unusual furry invalids at London Zoo then Ian must look rather attractive.
• Ian Smith – proprietor of the Connexion and possessor of Europe’s smallest hands. Absolutely not to be confused with his namesake, the Rhodesian ex-Prime Minister, Ian has never been the head of a dictatorial racist regime.
• Peter Willoughby – old friend of Ian and formerly keen exponent of Russo-British relations. Peter is the Managing Director of a new network-marketing venture. He began his career in property development in the mid ’90s when he was associated with a London based Merchant Bank where he first met fellow business titan Ian.

The pub is lovely. Nicely designed with a friendly ambience and good service. However the food was absolutely dire. I had a pizza described as ‘Piccante’ – Pepperoni + Chorizo + Tomato + Jalapeños at £8.95. This was very nearly as good as the Tesco basics range equivalent and for only six times the cost. The beautiful Marta Austin had the Seabass Fillets + Stuffed Romano Pepper + Caponata + Pesto + Baby New Potatoes at £14.95. These were supposed to have been grilled but appeared to have been wind dried in the Gobi Desert such was their utter lack of flavour. It was like a fish based biltong though that overstates the palatability. The vegetables were hidden under the dry fish fillets as if they were ashamed to show their faces. And they should have been ashamed…

For dessert I had Cookies + Ice Cream at £4.45. This was a cookie with a single scoop of vanilla ice-cream – wonderful value at nearly a fiver. Marta plumped for the Summer Berry Eton Mess at £5.25. I think it had been made well in advance as the cream had mostly become yogurt. The berries were fresh when they had been picked which couldn’t have been much more than a month ago.

To recap The Belvedere Arms is a lovely pub with a shockingly poor kitchen. I would thoroughly recommend it for a drink or even a packet of crisps but anything else is at your own risk.

Here is a picture of Peter:

Here is one of Ilona with a client – that is not Ian, his hands are MUCH smaller:

And here is Ian enjoying a drink before dinner: